the future of the lake monster
pride in a poem, song, art piece, and pin
Happy third week of pride month! I’m working on a longer piece that is not yet ready and I’m saving for next week. In the meantime, I’ll share some bits and bobs that feel right for pride.
I’ll start by sharing a poem I’ve been working on for my X-Files chapbook. It’s based on episode 12 of the first season, “Fire.” This poem comes from a place of sapphic yearning that feels palpable in the episode. Scully nurses Mulder, coughing and weak, back to health after he attempts to fight the hotel fire our monster this week has set with his mind.
Fire
Your forehead is warm
The back of my hand
Collects the heat and
I feel a burn in my lungs
When i look into your eyes
I see the weight of a fog that
Remains long past the doused
flames that singed your stray hairs
Your pupils have yet to contract
My stomach rises into my chest when
I realize you recognize your pain reflected
In my wide-eyed look and slight pout
I hand you the lukewarm water cup
I poured when it was still cold so
Your throat wouldn’t suffer for
An instant longer
Yes, I talk about it all the time, but it’s only because it’s so life-changing. When I found out “Don’t Make Me Hold Your Hand” by Lake Street Dive was inspired by Mulder and Scully’s sexual tension, I couldn’t stop listening to it. Every time I hear the following lyrics, it beckons to me:
People are voyeurs, darling, one thing on their minds
I hear them whisper, darling, and I feel their eyes
Staring at our affection in a way most unkind
The lines are about a love that cannot safely or comfortably be shown to the world. It is about an intimacy that others cannot understand. It is everything queer, and it is everything to me.
I made this piece, titled “the lake monster” in the summer of 2024. it was inspired by the Loch Ness monster (nessie), but also “Quagmire,” season 3, episode 22. It is the slippery inability to define a monster that continues to intrigue me. Queer people, especially trans people, are similarly subject to the consequence of being indecipherable, labeled as monsters.
In “Quagmire,” Big Blue excites Mulder because it exists “within the confines of this lake.” However, the people living by Heuvelman’s Lake cannot catch Big Blue on camera or slay it. This creature evokes fear, disdain, and intrigue alike due to how much possibility it encompasses. Big Blue is a beast and a commodity. It’s ever-present and nonexistent at the same time.
By the end of the episode, we’re not even sure it is Big Blue who has been killing the residents on the lake. What remains is Scully’s rallying message to Mulder:
MULDER: I know. I guess I just wanted Big Blue to be real. I guess I see hope in such a possibility.
SCULLY: Well, there's still hope. That's why these myths and stories have endured. People want to believe.1
There is always a faith in something outside of the structures in which we feel trapped. Look into the distance, and Big Blue may be briefly surfacing under the moonlight.
Lastly, I want to add a reminder inspired by the 1990 pride button above. In 1998, The X Files: Fight the Future hit theaters. In the face of a massive government conspiracy, that future Mulder and Scully are fighting for is one that prioritizes the underdog. The U.S. government is leading its people to destruction, and they must fight back or die as the scapegoats. We need to follow in their lead and remember that the future is ours.
I used the X-Files Wiki “Quagmire” transcript for this quote.
This is amazing. The poem, the art piece. Very moving, especially considering the queer lens.