the story of lately
drawing and the hermit
I’m bringing my Lit Match Oddities newsletter to a section of my main substack, sculder and mully. I will be sharing my archive of old posts here before writing new essays. Lit Match Oddities provides musings on the ups and downs of creativity, shop updates, and more.
FEB 09, 2025
I was out of town for the holidays with my partner’s family, and it forced me away from my usual patterns. I tend to isolate, especially since I left my work from home job and am figuring out my next gig (I am only somewhat terrified of not figuring that out before I completely run out of money). I consider myself a bit of a hermit in the last few years. For this trip, I had to face more people and participate in activities for the first time in a while. I was overwhelmed by the trip, but I was grateful for the change in routine and the kindness my partner’s family offered me in including me in their family gathering.
Except for this planned holiday time, the 2024 holiday season did not feel real to me. As I type this, I’m still uncertain of what to say about it. I’ve cycled through a lot of emotions as we’ve hurtled toward the chaos of this political season. Being unemployed, the election, and fear for what was coming next consumed my ability to make hot chocolate or put up a tree.
However, I have been creating. As a Gemini Sun, I have so many ideas, even at my lowest. Alice Sparkly Kat mentioned the resilience of Gemini in their February horoscopes:
“I think that Geminis possess a really strange talent that comes in handy during the most surprising of times. What is that special talent? I'm talking about that weird Gemini thing where you are somehow able to find a path of startling optimism in the face of great tragedy.”
I’ve been using my restless brain to draw and felt rather than trying to read or research while my processing brain has been admittedly out of commission. Traveling meant I had brought my sketchbook and markers rather than my felting tools. I drew hands and blobs and horseshoes, using the pages to catch the anxious energy seeping from my body.
Braum’s, an incredible combination of grocery store and fast food restaurant with always delicious ice cream, is a Midwestern U.S. staple. The night we arrived, we picked up Braum’s for dinner, which is unfortunately not available where I live, and I had further inspiration. In looking at the bag, with its hot pink logo depicting an ice cream cone, I felt a strong desire to draw a fishnets-wearing hot ice cream cone. It took a month, but I did it.
My Braum’s babes sticker is a good reminder to myself that things take time. While a month is short in many situations, for my ADHD brain, if I don’t work on something in a month, it can sour my initial excitement about it. I convince myself I will never finish it. My inner critic is harsh. I can convince myself I’m doing nothing as I work on three different projects a day. I am both disciplined and chaotic, but with my meds, I am more focused. The best way to balance these energies is to take a breath and let things sit in transition.
The Hermit in tarot is introspective. As I revisit what I learned from last holiday season, this figure reminds me that wisdom comes from allowing dust to settle. I’ve been attempting to write this for a few weeks, and I almost deleted it since it is no longer topical to discuss the holidays. However, I just needed to give it time to refine my reflection. The Hermit guides me away from isolation and instead to intentional processing and reflection.
Spending time alone needs balance with connection to allow ourselves reasons to create. My gratitude to my partner’s family, looking around at unfamiliar houses and trees, and exploring a museum that was new to me helped remind me that I create based on experience. I create to make sense of my senses, and that can’t be placed on a rigid timeline.
In February, I listed a high quality digital download of an illustration I made a couple of years ago for The X-Files episode “Never Again.” For only $2, you can print or download it as much as you want for personal use
available here I’m trying to get back into doing tarot readings. I want to start doing recorded video readings, but I haven’t set them up quite yet. You can order a handwritten mailed reading or a typed digital reading with a scan of your cards from my shop right now.
While I restock and bring a few new designs to the fold, you can check out my pride! section on my shop for a gathering of some of my gayest items this pride month.
